It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
