Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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