he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
