i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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