I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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