Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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