I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it glows. i had to have it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
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