so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
