Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I will be naked everywhere
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize