at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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