I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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