I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
