Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
