I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
