u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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