oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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