i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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