Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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