We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
