I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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