I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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