The maid of honor just puked.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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