party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
