quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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