Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
