Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
