He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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