I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
