he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
