I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
