i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
