i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
