i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
