I molested 6 butterflies tonight
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
