I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
