Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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