i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
