I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You need Xanax blowdarts
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
