i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
