I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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