Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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