There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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