i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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