dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
