Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
