Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
