I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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