Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
