we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
