this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
