I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
