I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
