Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
