I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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