A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
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