Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
