I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
