Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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