If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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