im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
