You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this will be a night to untag.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
