I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
