i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
