Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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