just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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