I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize