we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
