So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
