My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
