hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
