I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
