did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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