is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
