Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
