i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
it glows. i had to have it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
