I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize