i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
