Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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