Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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