there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
It's blow job season.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
try to milk me bitch
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
