..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
