The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I want to make a zoo with you.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
