I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
