I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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