dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
