it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize