he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
