I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
one might say we're banned from that church
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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