your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
