We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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