so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
