apparently the secret to your success is patron
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
