I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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