Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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