Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
