wakey wakey hands off snakey
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
