The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize