Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
