If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
