wakey wakey hands off snakey
you win again, gameday.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
