If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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